![]() I suffered from Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS). I spent hours looking at pictures of bodies online- Taylor Swift’s legs, Jennifer Anniston’s arms, anyone’s abs but my own. What people didn’t see was the girl who suffered from extreme self-consciousness, the girl who was embarrassed by what she looked like and spent a lot of time envying the bodies of peers and women performers. Enviable maybe, at first, but overpowering and all-consuming as it continued. Some would say my diet was healthy, that I had immaculate and enviable willpower. I was restricting my diet to protein and vegetables only: no carbs, no artificial sugar. I meticulously picked out the foods that I knew were healthy and low in calories. No, I went to every meal in the dining hall with my friends. Before I knew it, I was burning upwards of 1,500 calories a day and eating about 1,000. I wanted to be the one who didn’t gain the freshmen 15. I looked up various ways to burn calories, and believed those silly blog posts and magazine articles that supposedly reveal secrets about “fat-burning foods.” At the same time, I was exercising at least twice a day. I refused to eat any dessert and instead focused on all of the healthier, more diet-friendly foods in the dining hall. I kept mental notes of each calorie I consumed. Instead of convincing myself to regain weight, I wanted to stay skeletal. I did not realize that I was being noticed for my bony figure, though, because in my head I saw myself transforming into the skinny women I saw in magazines. Although I felt horrible and had intense stomach pain, I also began to feel noticed. I lost an extreme amount of weight in a short amount of time. During my freshmen year of college, I caught a parasite. ![]()
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